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Now That's What I Call a Bunch of Austin Archer's TikTok Songs Compiled Into an Album Vol. 2

by Austin Archer

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izzawit
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izzawit Congratulations is one of my favourite songs ever, but this whole album is great for getting through situations where you have to tolerate terrible people but nobody can stop you from repeating the lyrics in your head like a mind-saving mantra. It’s also fun to send links to racists to tell them they’re racists.

Favourite song: Congratulations
Nicole Helen
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Nicole Helen Austin's songs are just so on point and have gotten me through many a day -- when someone starts being hard to handle, I find myself singing Congratulations and Block Party and doing a little dance, and my life is just better. Favorite track: Congratulations!.
shawnmann
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shawnmann Many favorites, choosing Vaxxed because my son loves to sing it. Funny, catchy (especially America Sux, which can be exciting in mixed company, LOL). Favorite track: Vaxxed.
Meriaten Long
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Meriaten Long Because Austin Archer is very talented and we are birds of a feather Favorite track: Mustache Respect (Feat. Kevin Chamberlin and Tim Hooper).
amiicake
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amiicake Hi Austin, I follow you on TikTok and always love your stuff so I bought your music because I seriously needed cheering up. It’s working really well, so I wanted to say thank you. Thanks!
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1.
America Sux 02:27
You always wanna know why People like me got a beef with the bro guy The redneck red hat wearing white type The self-identified patriotic til I die kind Well where to start…? I don’t think that I can simply sum it up In a 60-second video on the internet And I am not the slightest bit confident that if I took the time to try You’d take it to heart So in lieu of a good faith effort to convince you Of anything I’m gonna keep this simple and neat America Sucks Because of People Like you America sucks Because you believe the things you do You’re the reason We can’t have nice things Our country sucks Because of you Idiotic nonsense spewing like a fountain Over-flowing with no-one knowing The difference between wrong and right All day and all damn night I’ve got morons on my left And more on my right An overwhelming hurricane of mind-numbing tautologies Invented by the church of bigotry and insecurities Convincing every proud boy Nationalist wannabe That he can be a hero with a big enough gun Someone tell old Walmart Rambo He’s not special just because He was born in a specific geographical area Instead of some other geographical area
2.
Nobody cool likes Tucker Carlson (Repeat) If you like Tucker then you’re not cool Cuz nobody... Only a fool likes Tucker Carlson Tucker Carlson is the worst He’s a maniac sociopath White supremacist Fear generating mouth With an emphasis On lies and misinformation With that infuriating Look on his face and A court of law accepted an argument That no reasonable person Would take him seriously And while that’s technically true People do And that’s why I’m like Shut the hell up Tucker Carlson Please go away Tucker Carlson Nobody who’s even a little bit cool Would say they don’t think you’re a total tool Cuz Nobody cool likes Tucker Carlson (Repeat 2x) Tucker you’re the worst.
3.
Congratulations That was one of the stupidest things That I’ve ever seen Anybody post on the internet before Congratulations The bar is high Cuz people post lots of stupid things But your stupid thing Was somehow the leader of the pack You just said I don’t know what pronouns are And I won’t learn cuz learning’s hard Instead I’ll regurgitate a half-baked stolen Opinion People like you make me sad
4.
Block Party 01:35
Everybody’s coming to the block party Unless you’re blocked Then walk your ass to the door Part of me thinks that I should do more But who’s got the energy, baby You talk that shit I block that shit (Repeat 4x) OOOooo you’re coming in hot Misspelling basic words like your and you’re And their they’re there And I guess your profile pic Disappeared into thin air User 6487913594602 You know I bet you Got a lotta free time And a real sweet spirit But when it comes to me And how I’m spending my time If you wanna talk shit I don’t need to hear it (Chorus repeat) Now you’re blocked And I’ll never have to see you ever again I got you blocked I fuckin hate you Blockity block block block
5.
6.
Everyone’s got that special place To watch a tiktok or two Whether curled up in bed or at your desk after a zoom But the one place that we all get the majority Of our scrolling done Is on the toilet while we’re pooping As our legs slowly get numb TikTok’s for pooping! Tiktok’s the thing that you’re watching while you poop TikTok’s for pooping (You’re probably pooping right now) And when you wipe I betcha leave a video stuck on loop Tiktok and pooping go hand in hand Like pb & J or beaches and sand You’re definitely pooping right now
7.
Vaxxed 01:29
8.
STFU 00:54
Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up Shut your fuckin moronic ass up I am done playing with you hoes When it started out It was all fun and games But I’m all tuckered out Now all I can say is Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up You did your own research and it sucked I don’t think you’re smart enough to waste the afternoon on So go cry it out over on 8chan Or Facebook
anywhere but here My right wing peer shut the fuck up
9.
Monday 00:54
10.
I’m just a mediocre white guy with a mustache I’d honestly have nothing if it Weren’t for the mustache I’d just be another average white guy Trying to use my skin and my gender to skate by But I’ve got a mustache It helps me stand out from the crowd I’m living life out loud as A mediocre white guy with a mustache I don’t have any skills I just have the mustache I’m probly in a band Or I look like I should And no, I’m not on a sex offender registry I just rock a mustache Cuz it helps me feel like a cool dude And also I’ve got tattoos Mustache Respect I get no Mustache respect (Repeat)
11.
Cap Sac 00:31
12.
Fanny Pack 00:37
13.
HAPI Mask 00:49
14.
15.
In High School I took Creative Writing And wrote poems every day We learned alliteration and metaphor And how to free associate My teacher’s favorite poet at the time was Billy Collins I’m not sure why that memory’s The one I’m presently recalling I think I wanna say I’m sorry to the people Who helped me use words in a way To make tough ideas more palatable I wasn’t a good student I was stubborn and hard-headed I didn’t take direction And I’ve quietly regretted it So teachers on your zoom calls Wondering if your voice is getting through It might not seem completely clear But here’s from me to you I didn’t fully understand your impact at the time So please accept this very late Apology and know you changed my mind.
16.
I can’t make new content right now I think I need a break But I’m afraid of slowing down If I go away for a few days Will you all forget I exist? And probably more importantly Is there a happy life outside of this I can’t make new content right now I’ve tried but it’s not fun It’s just work and wondering how I could get to live my dream and somehow Still have the audacity to complain It’s a gift to just be conscious Oh can someone please explain this to my brain I’ll be back soon I’ll figure it out But I can’t make new content right now
17.
Despite what some of you may think I am not famous No bid celebrates know who I am No Hollywood Insiders give a damn about me I am not saying this to gain your sympathy Just to let you know you and me have more in common Than you might have thought I’m just your run of the mill disappointment Again I’m not saying that so you feel bad It’s a matter of fact I showed such potential And I think it fell flat I’ve struggled with so many basic adult things Like money, relationships and staying healthy I don’t think that I’m that unique in my shortcomings I think that they make me normal and human I promise this song isn’t sad or depressing I actually quite like who I am I’m just stressing my faults To say that I’m not a role model I’m not a genius, or even that smart at all I’m just a white kid who learned the guitar Who dreamed of one day getting paid to make art I hope I can keep it going And if it all disappears in a flash I’m good knowing That we’ll always have this

about

A collection of mostly humorous, occasionally viral songs written for TikTok during the second half of 2021.

credits

released August 6, 2021

Music/Lyrics/Production: Austin Archer
Mixing/Mastering: Chris Bjornn at Marmalade Music

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all rights reserved

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about

Austin Archer Salt Lake City, Utah

Austin Archer is an artist from Salt Lake City, UT, living in LA. He has been writing and recording music since he was 15 years old. More music can be heard at chthonicdeadhouseband.bandcamp.com usthieves.bandcamp.com
bosstv.bandcamp.com
and
naturalhistorymusic.bandcamp.com
... more

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