Now That's What I Call a Bunch of Austin Archer's TikTok Songs Compiled Into an Album: Volume Four

by Austin Archer

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evanhandel It hits me in a happy place. I enjoy it so much. Favorite track: Dad Bod FTW.

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1.	All The Other Funny People 01:20	lyrics	buy track
Sometimes I think All the other funny people On the internet don’t like me When they watch my videos They think this dingus isn’t funny Why do people like this uninventive Loud, obnoxious hack He isn’t cool He’s just some mediocre White guy with a mustache Yeah, I’m pretty sure All the other funny people On the internet don’t like me And that’s why I’m not invited To any funny internet people parties They get together and they bond over What a pathetic loser I am And it plays on a loop in my head Cuz self destruction is my jam Let’s go! (Musical breakdown)
2.	Car Rant 01:33	lyrics	buy track
I just saw a video That pissed me off I’m fuming I’m emotional I’m red hot No time to sort my thoughts out Before I hit record I’m dropping in No parachute No rip chord It’s time for a car rant I’m gonna rant from the front seat of my car Get ready for a car rant Nobody’s safe No matter who you are My seatbelt’s on I’m blasting off Shooting from the hip Ready to explode I’m going on a car rant Get ready let’s go
3.	Bucket Hat 01:15	lyrics	buy track
Bucket hat Bucket hat B-b-bucket hat Bucket hat B-b-bucket hat bucket I’m in a bucket hat baby Muh-fuckin truckin that Up in that Hot boy summer swag Got a bag Now I’m lovin that Bucket hat life I be rockin smooth, aye! Look at my groove I’m in a bucket hat baby Nobody stopping me lately Except to say you look really cool When I grow up I wanna be just like you Do you think you could teach me how to do My fashion iconically too? Now here’s the thing about fashion is that it’s cyclical Typically Predictable Seasonally What goes around comes around First your drip was dull Now it’s full undeniable Viable It’s the hype It’s so fly A full aerial fully armed Missile strike (Beat) And you can’t stop this design Or the rhyme The time of the day Or your luck it Changes so fast you can’t duck it Try to but fuck it I’m in a bucket hat baby Muh-fuckin trucking that Up in that Hot boy summer swag Got a bag Now I’m lovin that Bucket hat life
4.	Clock Blocked 01:11	lyrics	buy track
So you tried to promote A think that you made But tiktok said no no We decide what you can and can’t post We still run this show If you think you can post whatever you like And you’re never gonna get caught You better think again You got another thing coming Cause whether you’re ready or not You’ll get clock blocked You’ll get clock blocked
5.	Slump (Live Acoustic Demo) 02:52	lyrics	buy track
Full lyrics available on the studio demo.
6.	Good Morning, Happy Day 00:50	lyrics	buy track
Good Morning Good Morning Happy Day
7.	Dad Bod FTW 01:18	lyrics	buy track
I like my dad bod I think it’s really cute The girlies love it And some of the boys do, too (You know who you are) Every day in my dad bod So proud of my little pooch If you’re feeling this rad bod I might give you a little smooch (But only if you enthusiastically consent) My dad bod’s sexy And so’s my double chin Just livin my best life Dad bod for the win
8.	Me & My Best Friend Jonathan Groff 00:54	lyrics	buy track
Me and my best friend Jonathan Groff Me and my best friend J Groff (J Groff!) You probably think that he's your best friend But guess what? He's jonathan not Don't ask him if he's my best friend Cuz he likes to joke That he isn't But trust me when I say truly That we're definitely best friends Said that's my number one B The true Jonathan G That's my homie on lock J Groff
9.	To-Do List (Live Acoustic Demo) 02:01	lyrics	buy track
Full lyrics available on studio demo
10.	Nobody Cares 01:02	lyrics	buy track
Nobody cares Nobody Cares Nobody cares about that thing I know that you think that they do But I promise you That they don’t Nobody cares Nobody cares Nobody cares about that thing You thought you had something special And you were so excited That’s so sad So you can just do Something better with your time I don’t mind what it is Just not this Anything else will do fine Cuz nobody cares Nobody cares Nobody cares the way you think And now you’re gonna be like, “Well if you don’t care why’d you write A whole song about it?” It’s because I care about letting you know How little I care. And because I needed something to write a new comedic song about. Okay?? I’m trying to make content, out here. Maybe I’m running low on ideas. How is that your business? It’s not. Just enjoy the song or like… keep scrolling.
11.	Am I Crazy? 00:57	lyrics	buy track
I remember I remember The part of my mind That never ever ever Called the doctor in time It’s like the part of me That’s gotta be Unhealthy or dyin You can’t believe a word he says Cuz if he’s talkin he’s lyin to ya High-steppin to the end zone Then fumblin like you’ve been thrown Into a spiral a viral tidal wave a cyclone Lookin like Dorothy might’ve took too many benzos closing the deal But now you’re heading for the friend zone But I’ve been thinking bout identity Like Kennedy my mind is blown Cheap shot but the remedy’s Elusive like invisibility I bet that somebody sees But it could never be me And therapy helps At least I tell myself it does At least a dozen times a week It’s worth the money because It’s either that or isolation In a mind that’s tumblin tripped up and wonderin if all that makes me
12.	Just Scroll Troll 00:40	lyrics	buy track
Just scroll troll If you're a troll just scroll That stuff you're saying is just a bunch of bull This is a troll-free zone So take a hike Get in your car Or get on a bike and get outta here Ya bad guy Just scroll troll
13.	Little Blue Checkmark 01:12	lyrics	buy track
I like that I don’t have a checkmark It reminds me that I’m just some guy I’m nobody important I have not accomplished enough To make any of these platforms think I should be verified For all you know My real name could be Roger Krantz A guy from Bridgeport, Connecticut Who pissed his pants In a Starbucks once When he couldn’t get The bathroom code And so I came up with the pseudonym Austin Archer To rewrite my story Put and end to Roger This isn’t even my face It’s an AI-generated deepfake mask I don’t really have a mustache Or a little blue checkmark I ain’t no hifalutin Rich inaccessible stooge I’m just somebody who Made you laugh once or twice Shared a few of my videos That you thighs were nice And said he seems like a pretty alright dude And I probably am
14.	Listening to my Song in the Car 00:54	lyrics	buy track
Do you really want these lyrics written out? Oh... you do? Well..... no.
15.	Slump (Studio Demo) 02:44	lyrics	buy track
Haven't written a thing in a long time I need a song I'm blocked up and tongue-tied I'm losing confidence in my ability To reliably make good art Every day my guitar is collecting dust You could Say that it was once my best skill I was never that good at playing But I could write a tune with the best of em Holy shit I am getting old I think about money so much It's got me so out of touch I can't connect to whatever I connected to Back when I was broke Alcoholic and 22 I don't really think this is good I just gotta get it out Pull me out of the slump I've been stuck in Scream and Shout Add another reprieve to drive it home and break it down I'll probably never release this on a record but no doubt It qualifies as a song
16.	To-Do List (Studio Demo) 02:03	lyrics	buy track
I could make a to do list Or a phone call Anything to stop this free fall I’ve been here so many times I just need to clear my mind The only I am capable of doing Is bingeing tv shows and YouTube My home is a mess and I’m un-doing All of my slowly garnered progress Oh, my body and my mind Can’t tell the difference between Temporary And permanent skies Stormy, gray, and so intimidating, I’m gonna be alright (x3) Waiting for a pick me up A stroke of luck A bit of energy To shake me from this state metamorphosize, regenerate My body and my heart Will remain waiting for whatever’s gonna Act as the jump start To get me back into a healthy groove I’m gonna get in the car (x3) And drive halfway cross the country Til my pulse starts feeling normal again Maybe Mississippi Somewhere I have never been and then My body and my mind Will remember that the darkness is just The absence of light Soft, impermanent, and harmless really I’m gonna be alright (x3)
17.	A Trick on the Algorithm 01:24	lyrics	buy track
I'm not writing these lyrics down either. I made them up on the spot and I don't really know them tbh. But I love you. And thank you for buying this album!! And if you're the kind of person who is actually reading this right now... WOW!! Just... wow. Thank you. You're the best.

credits

released February 3, 2023

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about

Austin Archer Salt Lake City, Utah

Austin Archer is an artist from Salt Lake City, UT, living in LA. He has been writing and recording music since he was 15 years old. More music can be heard at chthonicdeadhouseband.bandcamp.com usthieves.bandcamp.com
bosstv.bandcamp.com
and
naturalhistorymusic.bandcamp.com ... more